Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Truth About Jesus

So check it out! We found out that the gospels in the bible are in fact NOT the original ones (who would've thunk it!?) but modified versions of the True Gospels, which we by fortuitous circumstance happened to stumble upon the other day.

Where did we find them, you ask? Well, aren't you an inquisitive little fucker! We feel there are more important things in life than going into that kind of detail, you know, we have stuff to do, you probably have stuff to do, so yeah, just give it a rest with the interrogation, dude.

Therefore without further ado, here's the first text we uncovered! (there might be more, we just have to wri...errr... find them first.)


Monday, 23 December 2013

'Santa' is an anagram for 'Satan' and now we know why


We stumbled across some fairly unsettling vintage photos of Santas and since sharing is caring we invite you to partake in the unadulterated horror, which we made even more terrifying by adding some appropriately weird captions.





Bartholomew had many talents.

Looking like a jolly non-psychotic Santa was not one of them.


Photo taken right before dead-eyed Nick fed the small child to his
adorable but surprisingly carnivorous donkey.



The year that would always be remembered as the one where everyone
got anxiety for Christmas.



It was already too late when Brenda realized 'The North Pole' was
in fact the name of a mental institution for the criminally insane.



As much as he firmly believed that nothing builds character like childhood
trauma, father suspected he had possibly taken it one step too far this time.



The Christmas where Marjorie spoke her very first words: 'Help' and 'Me'.



Although slaying was a messy affair at times, ol' dead-eye was happy he
at least had his trusted number basket to keep tabs on the monthly death toll.



It was well past dessert before the Faunterloy family realized Santa
was in fact neither human nor alive in the traditional sense.




While they were overjoyed the science experiment had worked,
Mr. and Mrs. Whipplebottom hoped their little Winifred wouldn't suffer any
permanent damage from meeting the reanimated corpse of her grandfather. 




"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact." 





- What did you get me for Christmas this year, Santa?
- I'm all out of toys, so you'll have to settle for 'complete mental breakdown'.

The Christmas Miracle


Sometimes we wonder if the lack YouTube subscribers and twitter followers means that we're really crap at everything we're doing and should stop immediately before we embarrass ourselves further.

But then the sobriety inevitably wears off and we of course realize how crazy that sounds!

Because look at us.We're fucking hilarious. And adorable.

However, even while knowing this to be undeniably true that did not detract from the absolute delight we felt when finding out we'd been followed back on twitter by none other than Dana Carvey.

Naturally we felt compelled to make a Christmas song dedicated to this awesome dude, which you can view in all its glory below.




But then, something even more amazing happened:


SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!